Howard Levels Epic Attack on 'American Idol'

Sparked by news of last night's 'American Idol' performances, Howard ranted: "If it really came down to a negotiation, I don't think I would do it. I don't like the idea of taking over for Simon Cowell, who's been successful at that stupid judging. Like, if Simon Cowell took over this show, it would fail in a day. And [for] me to take over judging, you know, who needs--who needs that? That show's only going downhill. The producers don't know what they're doing. That's clear from the musical choices they're making. I mean 'Movie Week'? And 'Frank Sinatra Week'?"

Howard couldn't be stopped: "And Ellen Degeneres looks like a total loser now. She--she showed up and the ratings are going down. She's an embarrassment. They're going to get rid of her. Kara DioGuardi, they're going to get rid of her. She's horrible. She's an eye-roller. You're like, 'Just shut up so you--just move on to Simon. Just shut up. You're so boring. And let Simon talk and stop interrupting. We know you don't agree with him. Shut the f' up. You're annoying. Randy can let Simon talk. Why can't you? What are you? Who are you? When did you get on the show?"

Howard went on: "Now you're talking about the number one show in America going downhill. But the fact of the matter is when that show first started I was a fan. I watched it. [The] Kelly Clarkson season. What was great about it was Paula freaking out over Simon because he was so abrasive. And, you know, who the hell else is going to do that but me? Cause I'm naturally abrasive. I say whatever's on my mind and quite frankly, I'm funny. And secondly, I'm f'ing great. I am. I'm great. Everything I say is interesting. I got that ability. Why should I give that to fucking 'American Idol'?"

Howard finished his comments with his thoughts on the newest 'Idol' judge: "Can you imagine being next to Ellen Degeneres? Ellen, who just has nothing. You're a waste of time--I'd evaluate her. F' the kids. Yeah. Yeah. Please leave Ellen there. Because you're going to have the same chemistry that Paula and Simon originally did."

Howard thought he'd at least give Ellen's presence a purpose: "She didn't even give an opinion on last night's show."