Howard’s Backed Up

Howard said the film still hadn’t started an hour after its 7pm start time, so he left early to get some rest. Back at home, Howard had trouble falling asleep and decided to masturbate. However, as he started, he realized he had shaken a lot of people’s hands at the movie premier and started to worry that he might transmit some disease to his penis. Eventually he gave up because he couldn’t make it happen: “I lost my arousal…I took the tissues, I threw them back into the tissue box. Disgusted! I had all three tissues ready.”

Howard explained to Robin: “I’m a three tissue guy. I don’t mind telling you that. I don’t mind sharing that with you. My load is so huge and hard, I break through the first two tissues. I’m not kidding. That’s got to turn you on, Robin. As a woman. A big, thick load. Shows you how f’ing backed up I am.”

Howard said he continued to toss and turn until Beth got home–but she was too tired to release his poison: “It was embarrassing. My whole life is embarrassing. Lest anyone think I’m out there having fun.”