Lisa Lampanelli Is Getting Married

Lisa Lampanelli stopped by to promote her new special, 'Lisa Lampanelli Bites the Big Apple,' which airs Monday night at 7pm ET on Howard101. Lisa noted that she has recently changed her act now that she's no longer banging black dudes: "But I also said chink and spic and faggot and I wasn't banging any of them."

Lisa said she looked forward to a happy marriage with Jimmy Big Balls and--like Mark Cronin--had registered for Hermes china at Barney's. She not one to turn down gifts: "I'm not a charitable person. I don't believe in anything."

Lisa did add though that she was also forced to register at Macy's as none of her family even knew what Barney's was.

Jimmy Big Balls Signed the Pre-Nup

Lisa said she'd made Jimmy sign a pre-nup--he gets nothing if the marriage crumbles quickly: "If you don't hang in there for a whole year, everybody walks away happy."

He won't make much more if he sticks around: "So I decided to be generous. I'm giving him $50,000 a year if he hangs in with me!"

Lisa insisted that the marriage would work: "We have what I call 'King of Queens' fights--which if you ever watch that show--they're little funny fights, they're not big issues, and they're solved in 22 minutes."

She's Ready to Retire

Lisa confessed that she was going through the beginning stages of menopause: "Oh my god. It just started. Robin, how long were you a bitch for?"

Robin said it took a while--Lisa was crestfallen: "Right now it feels like my hormones are more f'ed up than Chaz's all hot flashes and irritability." Lisa said it made her want to give up and retire: "I have my Jew working up the numbers."