Pauly Shore stopped by to promote some upcoming stand-up gigs and claimed he wasn't a womanizer: "Once you make it, no matter what you look like, you get girls...I had a lot of time to make up for."
Howard asked about a story Carrie-Anne Peniche told on the show about falling asleep on Pauly's couch and waking up to find him jacking off next to her--Pauly confirmed it: "Well, I've done that before."
Pauly said he never wanted to be like his father, so he tries to be honest about his sex life: "He cheated on [my mother] a lot. He was always on the road, you know, f'ing girls with Elvis...I never wanted to be that."
Pauly added that he couldn't go the Tiger Woods route if he wanted to: "I'm not good at lying."
But again, not that he'd ever want to: "I'd rather bang sluts on the side and have a guilt-free life."
The Ones That Got Away
Pauly said the only girl capable of changing his mind was Kylie Minogue: "I'm not saying she was the one, but she had the whole package...I just know that when she spoke, I would actually listen."
Pauly has since come close to settling down but Hail Mary'ed his way out: "I've gotten one girl pregnant, yeah. She got an abortion...I basically promised her we would have a kid in the future."
Pauly said it was different these days, as more girls are independent-minded: "Girls are more like guys now."
But just to be safe, Pauly passed on his Golden Rule: "If you date young girls, you know things aren't going to get serious."
The War for the Comedy Store
Howard asked Pauly about the protracted legal battle he'd been waging with his siblings over The Comedy Store, the stand-up institution his Mom started/built in LA. Pauly said the war was almost over: "It's all been worked out with the attorneys."
Pauly explained that with his experience as a comedian and his connections in the industry he knew he could continue the legacy his mother started: "I have a vision for the store. And I have a vision for my mom--for what she created."
Adopting an Oprah Charter Girl
Pauly said he recently filmed a 'mockumentary' about his attempt to adopt a student from Oprah's charter school in Africa: "From the outside, it looked like a prison."
Pauly laughed that they took him--and the camera crew--in at first ("I said Oprah sent me.") but things quickly soured when Pauly explained why he was there: "I said I want to adopt a really smart girl from the Oprah school."