John the Stutterer stopped by to catch up with the crew, as they're pretty much all he has left: "I haven't had friends for years."
John said his stutter has turned into a debilitative disorder: "It has gotten pro-progressively worse."
After his last appearance on the show, even his favorite prostitute won't take his calls: "Apparently she was dissatisfied with my description of our relationship...I think she was upset with my graphic depiction of my time with her."
John also confessed that his doctor recently demanded that he get an HIV test due to his risky behavior ("The vagina licking, the anus licking.") with prostitutes--sans scrutiny or protection: "Tacos are meant to be eaten no matter how much hot sauce they have on them."
He now regularly sees a porn star-turned-prostitute who won't allow much more: "I had the option of having penetrative sex with her but I can't stay erect [with a condom]."
Inspired by 'The Great Benjy Bronk'
John has recently turned to Craigslist in an attempt find women ("I was inspired by the great Benjy Bronk.") but he's been turned down time and again--especially when he tells them he's "John the Stutterer from The Howard Stern Show."
Howard laughed: "Well John, you've done it again. You've come in and thoroughly depressed us."
Howard asked John for a vision of hope--his ideal life--so John thought for a second and sputtered: "I wish that I could be paid a thousand dollars to go to bachelorette parties, get naked with the girls and they could bend over and I could spread their buttcheeks and I could bury my face in their beautiful buttholes and vaginas."