Howard said he finally made good on his promise to pray en masse but his curly hair broke rank: "I went to a Hasidic temple...so I wore a hat. I wasn't sure if that was disrespectful. Because a yarmulke doesn't stay on my head and I don't want to mess with that hairpin."
Howard didn't know how to behave as he's forgotten all the temple rituals he grew up with: "I seem to have blocked out any memories of it." Howard wasn't even sure how to pray: "Should I start thinking about the issues I have or should I start talking to God?"
Howard said he questioned himself: "I know it's ridiculous. On some level, I knew, even sitting there. I was like, 'What am I doing?'"
But his need for help surpassed his doubt: "I'm a very skeptical guy about everything. But I'm taking a leap of faith here. I'm at my wit's end."
The bulk of his prayer was a blur: "I'm not even sure what I said. That I needed help."
If They Only Knew
Howard revealed that he was praying for "a person I know in my personal life...I know he needs help."
Howard said he'd gone to temple with Sandra Bernhard and noted--along with all the other men who were separated from the women as they do in an orthodox Jewish temple--her incredible singing voice: "Little do they know, she's into pussy. She's singing for pussy."
Howard said the entire experience was comforting. The recitations even showed him how we're all alike: "They don't sound any different than these devout Arabs."
But he was disappointed that prayer didn't show immediate results: "I thought God would be impressed that Howard Stern was in there. You know what I mean? Usually I get special attention."