Howard Casts 'Footless'

Inspired by the new cast of 'Dancing with the Stars,' Howard imagined an Afghani remake of 'Footloose' called 'Footless,' in which the "godless" dancers are punished with amputations.

Howard said he'd film a stoning for the opening scene, stunt-cast Kevin Bacon as General Petraeus and envisioned a scene in which a worried father turns in his children: "You did the right thing! You're daughter's out of control. We will remove her uterus."

Howard also hoped to cast Lindsay Lohan as an ill-fated drifter: "She could play an epileptic woman. She could come to town and have an epileptic fit and they'd accidentally cut her feet off."

He cast include Jennifer Lopez as a dancer ("They cut off her ass!") and Mel Gibson as an Afghani-sympathetic beekeeper: "Here in Afghanistan we train our bees to hate women and Jews!"