Early in the show, Howard noted Brett Ratner's resignation as producer of this year's Academy Awards show. Howard said many people were upset with a comment ("Rehearsal is for f*gs.") Brett made after a 'Tower Heist' screening in LA--but the Hollywood Reporter thought at least one of 10 other comments Brett made recently counted as well: "At least the first five are from the Howard Stern show." Howard then read the first half of the list, all comments Brett made on Monday's show: 1. On Lindsay Lohan. "I'm a hypochondriac. Before I go all the way, I send the girl to the doctor and check them for everything. My doctor has a test to tell if you'll catch something in the future even." 2. On Olivia Munn: "I said I banged her three times which isn't true. The problem is I made her look like a whore." 3. On his balls: "I have huge balls." 4. On his giant loads: "I turned 40, and I said, 'Holy s---. I've never gotten a girl pregnant.' And I've been doing this pull-out thing for year and years and years. So I go to a doctor and I said, 'You gotta check my sperm.' He calls me up two days later and says, 'We gotta talk.' .... He said, 'Brett, in 25 years, I've never seen a sperm count like this.' The average load is 40 million sperm, and only 30-40 percent are motile. He said I have 10 times, 480 million sperm, he said, 'If you breathe on a girl, she's going to get pregnant.' ... So now I'm condoms only." 5. On cunnilingus: "I'm probably the best in the world at it." Before moving on, Howard said Brett would weather the storm just fine: "I think the Academy has announced that they're looking for someone with a lower sperm count than Brett Ratner and isn't so good at eating pussy either."