Howard said he'd been in a tortuously intellectual mood last night: "I started watching the President on '60 Minutes.' I was so bored out of my skull, I was just--I literally just paused it and said, 'Why am I torturing myself?'"
So later, he tried to watch the Republican debate while washing up in the bathroom: "They started and all of a sudden I look down at my penis and my pubic hair is longer than my penis."
Howard kept one eye on the debate and the other on his clippers: "I was feeling really intellectual, but how intellectual am I if I'm trimming my bush?"
He left the bathroom as manicured as he was informed: "I'm disgusting. But anyway. It's nice and short now."