Jim Breuer: Getting the Old Man Laid

Jim said he wanted to get his dad -- an 88-year-old guy who often shits himself -- laid, as his mom wasn't putting out anymore: "She's blind in one eye. She's not only blind but it droops. She looks like an iguana."

The old man's even leveled with Jim: "I gotta get laid."

When Jim asked if he thought he was still up to the task, his dad winked and whispered: "I still got a tongue."

Howard wanted to help, so he got porn star Tabitha Stevens on the phone to see if she'd lend a hand...or some other body part.

Tabitha confirmed: "As long as he's able and willing? Absolutely."

Jim passed but thanked Tabitha: "I appreciate the offer."

Howard asked how Tabitha would be able to shut out the fact that she's banging an elderly man who shits himself, so Tabitha shrugged: "I don't have to go to that dark place. I just go. I can just be there."