Big Black Returns

Big Black called in for the first time in over 5 years, explaining that he'd "been hanging in my bunker in the South Bronx."

Big Black said he'd briefly worked as a security guard at Yankee Stadium, but he now collects unemployment. Thanks to new government policies, he's been able--and will continue--to collect benefits for years: "I've been making YouTube videos...to publicize myself. To get out there, you know."

Big Black said he'd also lost his virginity since his last appearance on the show: "She was about a 7 (rating) or so. Nothing really great." He hasn't gotten laid since, however--not even by the same girl. Afterward, she avoided him, giving him "kind of an excuse deal" when he tried to ask her out again: "Right now, I'd say I have no friends."