By the Glow of His IPad

Howard said Beth was out last night, so he pulled up YouPorn on his iPad: “There goes my whole plan not to beat off anymore and watch porn. I blew it…[but] what’s great about porn is that you learn something you didn’t know.” Howard was disturbed by what he learned: “I want babysitter porn. Now, I didn’t know I want babysitter porn.” Howard estimated he’s watched at least 50% of YouPorn’s (extensive) babysitter porn archive (“I’m dreading the day I run out.”) and blamed the site for his Sheen-like addiction: “I don’t even know I’m into this until I have a choice. Until I have a menu…it disturbs the hell out of me that I like babysitter porn.” Howard went on to describe the scene as he turns off all the lights in his bathroom because of his fear of hidden cameras and then completes his task to the glow of the YouPorn emanating from his iPad.