But No Touching

Howie on his personal life.

Asked about his OCD, Howie said his wife was animal lover, and starting to drive him crazy with her rescue instincts: "She wanted to touch ducks...you don't touch ducks. I think if you touch ducks, the mother won't want to touch the ducks. She's crazier than Beth with these animals." She's even threatened to leave him over the issue: "We have a lot of differences. She loves animals. And I--you know, I don't have a dislike for animals. But I can't touch animals." Howie said he still performed for his fans at 150-200 stand-up shows a year but won't use their pens: "I won't sign with your pens. My guy has pens." His germophobia extends to the bathroom--even his own, where a simple flush can contaminate everything: "If I ever forget to put the lid down [before I flush], I get a new toothbrush." He even uses a self washing toilet that shoots water at his ass instead of wiping: "I sometimes choke on the water. That's how hard it's going up my ass."