God Save the Gottfried Children

Gilbert said his children were almost nameless to him: he referred to them as 'the girl' and 'the boy.' Without his wife, he's incapable of caring for them: "They'd find them, like, starved to death somewhere."

Gilbert thought child-rearing was more important to his wife anyway: "I think it's a better experience for women. Guys, you know, can enjoy it up to a point and then you want to watch TV."

Still, he kisses his son ("He's still not even 2 yet, so it's not gay yet.") and dedicated his book to the young pair: "I didn't know who else to dedicate it to."