Mitt Romney Jr. Says Goodbye, Forever

"Mitt Romney Jr." called in to say that yesterday's loss wasn't devastating: "Even though I didn't beat Obama, let's be honest. I've got $500 million. A dozen wives. I'm not gay. I'm not black. You tell me who the winner is." The electorate's voice was clear: "People wanted to live in a country where gays are treated like people and we take care of the sick and elderly. Well be my guest, suckers." Asked for his future plans, Mitt said he hoped to let loose: "I'm getting a case of beer and I'm going to the mountains. I'm going to f' the first animal that looks like Ann." And, some day, he'd like to find Katy Perry, Obama's biggest (breasted) supporter: "I hope someone punches you in those stupid big tits."