Hidden behind curtains, four contestants poked their penises through a hole and allowed George to evaluate their junk--and only their junk--on its relative beauty.
George was shocked by contestant #1's size: "They've got to show the whole thing. You're kidding. That's not the whole thing. … I hate to say it, but--the poor guy--is that it?" George later declared the nub "cute."
George immediately wanted to touch contestant #2's dick (#2 obliged: "Absolutely! I'd love to have you touch my cock, George."), marveling at its pristine shape: "This one here has cleanliness of color and [it's] not very wrinkled."
Fondling contestant #3, George was at a loss for words: "This has, um, proportion."
Contestant #4 was easily the largest: "Oh yes! Now this is substantial."
George then declared #2 the victor "in terms of beauty. Beauty alone. Proportion, color, texture." Jack (aka contestant #2) admitted he wasn't big: "It works great for anal sex. I love f***ing chicks in the ass and it fits right in. … [but] if you look at Michelangelo's David, I have that same package."
Howard then introduced the other contestants, including High Pitch Erik, aka Contestant #1: "Not only are you obese, but your belly is covered in pimples from shaving." And Ass Napkin Ed, aka Contestant #3, who was too drunk to form a sentence.