Bam & The Hairy Naked Girl

Bam Margera called in to discuss finding a naked female fan in his bedroom recently: "I've seen a lot of bizarre things before but this, by far, tops it big time. I honestly thought I'd never be so scared of a 24-year-old naked chick." Bam woke up to her jumping on his bed, kissing him and talking in Jibberish: "She wasn't making any sense at all. … She was saying, 'Al sent me from Jupiter,' when I asked who she was." At first, Bam wondered if he was being Punk'd (since he is now the host of the MTV show): "For one split second, I thought it was my friend David Lee Homo." But she was clearly disturbed: "She's not a bad looking girl. Like, she's in shape but she's been homeless, so she has really hairy armpits and this mingin'-ass p***y. She looked like a hippie--like a skater girl. One that didn't bathe too often."

Of Goats and Trailers

Police eventually wrangled the culprit after a 7 hour search of Bam's property, but her kisses left a lasting impression: "This bitch just gave me herpes or I have a major stress blister from all this." Bam said she'd also once shown up, with all her belongings at his parent's house--to marry Bam: "She would say things like, 'My parents invented goats and trailers.' … Either she was completely mentally ill or on tons of acid or something."

Bam's Girlfriend, the Felon

Howard then asked Bam to hand the phone over to his girlfriend, Nikki, who explained why she didn't think she was Howard's type: "I have no boobs!" Howard still wanted to put Nikki, an artist's model, to work: "We've got this artist JD Van Gogh here. He'll be drawing you." Before hanging up, Nikki hoped Bam had no more stalkers out there: "Bam was talking about getting a gun but I can't allow that because I'm a felon. I caught my boyfriend at the time cheating and I pistol-whipped him."