It was the day of Dads on the show today, as actor and brand new fifty-four-year-old father Tom Arnold stopped by to promote his new movie Jewtopia.
As usual, Tom was an open book. Here are the highlights from his interview:
- Tom is very glad that he didn't have a kid with his ex-wife Roseanne Barr – saying it would've been "horrible" and who knows what would've been said in the divorce if kids were involved. Howard pointed out that Roseanne blamed Tom for their inability to conceive, and Tom admitted that she was right, he had a low spe rm count.
- While trying to get his wife Ashley pregnant, Tom's good friend Dax Shepard offered to donate his sperm, which Tom thought was incredibly nice and may have given him whatever it was he needed to get the job done himself.
- If it wasn't Dax's offer that inspired conception, it could have been comedy star Mike Myers, who paused for six minutes during a phone conversation with Tom to give him "green energy" so he'd become potent.
- Tom was concerned for a day that his son, Jax (named after a character on Sons of Anarchy) was mentally slow because Dax and Kristin Bell's daughter Lincoln was born ten days earlier and was so much smarter. Dax and Tom exchange photos of the super-hot OBGYN who cares for both of their wives.
- Tom says his Sons of Anarchy co-star Charlie Hunnam, who just backed out of the lead role in Fifty Shades of Grey, just got a little freaked out when he suddenly needed security after taking the high profile role. He just wants to live life as a regular guy.
- Tom got into a fight with Elton John's husband David Furnish that ended in Tom entering rehab. He had been in a big group email with a lot of people, including Elton and David and, in a misstep, used the word "fag" when arguing with somebody else in the chain.
David reamed him out for it and he tried to claim that someone hacked into his email account and wrote the slur. Tom's wife said he had to go detox at UCLA.
- Tom says he was in rehab with Linday Lohan, and she was transferred to the special medical wing of the facility because she needed the hospital electricity to run her tanning bed.
- Tom described what it's like to hang out at Arnold Schwarzenegger's "super masculine" bachelor pad. There are oily men in speedos lifting everywhere, amongst statues of Arnold and a gym that looks like it belongs to Gianni Versace.
- Speaking of Arnold, Tom hopes that he reconciles with Maria Shriver and continues to advise guys to let their buddies know if their up to some cheating behavior – because he used to go over to Arnold and Maria's and joke, unaware, that their maid's son looked an awful lot like Arnold. Arnold introduces Tom as "the guy who boned Roseanne."
- At the end of Tom's interview, Eric the Midget, fan of almost any real Hollywood actor, called up. Tom thinks Eric is brilliant, but suggested he open his mind and play a gay role. Eric promised to take that under advisement.