Recapping Sal's stories and theories from the writers meeting has become something of a regular feature on the show - whether it's weird spiritual happenings, like Sal's bed levitating, or Sal's theory that black people have denser bones than whites.
This morning, the topic at hand was Sal's thoughts on reincarnation. Sal believes - and we stress, it's SAL who believes this - that handicapped people are people who died and then requested to God that they came back handicapped on their search for enlightenment.
Again, those are Sal's words.
Regular caller Wheels - who was left paraplegic after diving into shallow water - called up and wasn't too thrilled with Sal's take on things, promising that he'd crush Sal if he still could. Wheels told Sal that he used to be funny.Sal shot back: "You used to walk."
As for whatever it is that Sal asked God to send him down as, it's unclear, but he feels that he serves a purpose in making people laugh, like when he goes to parties with his beautiful wife, Christine, and asks fellow guests to look down at a crack in the tile, then he takes his c*ck out so they hit it with their head on the way back up to standing. That's what Sal was sent here to do.
SAL'S SAD HOME LIFE
Christine Governale seems to have made some peace with her husband's antics after all these years, but it comes at a price – Christine seemingly gets her way completely when they're at home.
Sal has often told of not being able to get into his own bed if he isn't completely clean, but today he went further. He's also not allowed to move around in bed while his wife is watching TV because the noise of his movements bothers her. Actually, he can move if he wants to, but if he does, she'll crank the volume up to a level that prevents Sal from sleeping.
It's a big party at the Governales.
Speaking of Sal's marriage, Sal recorded some marriage tips for the men in our audience, so here they are, educational and entertaining:
1) When you buy your girlfriend an engagement ring, get a receipt written up by hand, that way if a ring is $900, you can write a $5 in front of it, making it look like you splashed out $5,900 for your sweetheart. Leave the receipt in a place where she'll find it.
2) When you're out with the guys, take a photo on your phone of whatever you're doing first, take bowling as an example. Then, when you hit the strip club later, send that photo as a text to your wife, as if that's the activity you are engaged in at that moment. Sal calls this technique "Save and Send."
3) Looking for a hand job from a stranger at your local massage parlor? Tell your wife you need to exercise a back injury and you're in the clear!
4) Self-conscious about the tissues you've jerked-off into? Sneeze into tissues in front of your wife, so she'll assume they're just covered in snot.