Howard announced that he'll be on the Late Show with David Letterman on Wednesday, and as a thank you, Evil Dave came on the Stern Show this morning to mix it up with Howard and Robin as only he can.
Here are highlights of the topics he tackled and some of his best zingers:
He giggled and gloated about Jay Leno's impending retirement:
"He is retiring right? Or is he gonna be like the Who and do 18 years' worth of farewell tours?"
"Jay Leno, if you're looking for something to do next year, I could use your chin for a paperweight."
"Hey Jay, I think you should continue to walk in Johnny Carson's footsteps. Retire, disappear and then die."
"I bet Mavis is happy that Jay is finally leaving the Tonight Show and that he'll be home more often. C'mon Howard, wouldn't you be excited if you could bang a chubby comedian with a saggy ass and man boobs every night?"
"I feel really bad for Jay and I'd like to extend an olive branch and invite him on my show to do a bit. Here's the bit Howard, I'd like to throw Jay's fat ass off the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater and watch his gigantic head split open like a watermelon on the pavement."
He spoke about his feelings regarding Howard and the Stern Show:
"Thanksgiving is coming up and I'd like to give thanks to you Howard for coming on my show so many times, now how about coming on my face? Pretty please?"
"Who do I have to bribe around here to get a c*ck cheese mustache from Sal! Boy did that look tasty?"
"I heard Richard can taste beer in his ass. Would he mind tasting my saliva in there too?"
"Howard I know that you respect people who can type. Well, not only can I type but I have an 11 finger typing method where I use my cock to hit the space bar. I'm up to 80 words a minute."
"Howard, I heard Mike Tyson was on the show. That man is powerful, I bet he can fuck so hard, I'm not gay, but purely as an intense physical sensation I'd like to feel that, wouldn't you?"
And everything else that's happening in pop culture:
"Is that Banksy fella still around? If so, Banksy I have a great place for you to paint something. It's above my asshole and I want it to say, "Insert big hard veiny penis here." It's sweeps week."
"Does anybody know where i can get a pair of Kim Kardashian's panties? I need a new car cover for my Bentley."
"Are you sure Richard Gere isn't gay? I would blow him for 50¢."
"Hey Richie Incognito, if you want to bully someone, bully me, text me photos of your big girthy NFL cock, harass me you big bully you."