Jeff the Drunk - Unskilled and still Unemployed
Jeff the Drunk leads a modest life – he lives in a trailer, only goes food shopping once a month and watches TV with old-fashioned rabbit ears.
He even jerks off the old fashioned way – to Ginger on re-runs of Gilligan's Island.
Though he lives right on the edge (he gets $750 per month from SSI, his simple lifestyle , with few extravagances (cigarettes, beer, weed) have made the idea of work completely undesirable to Jeff.
Even so, we wanted to see what career Jeff would be most suited for, so we brought in Dr. Debbie Magids to administer an aptitude test. Right off the bat, something was wrong. A test that took the average person twenty-five minutes to complete took Jeff an hour and a half. He kept forgetting how to answer properly, but they finally got through it.
Dr. Debbie Magids
Unfortunately – aside from hand stamping – Jeff's only real skills are from his time working a farm – which is impossible due to his lack of an arm.
The only ray of sunshine was that Jeff did show some capacity to learn office skills, which could make him the world's slowest-typing secretary.
Of course, Jeff is really only interested in leaving his current gig as a bum for something like movie star, rock star, or captain of industry – so if you're looking for one of those, hit Jeff up.
Howard also asked Jeff some Giligan's Island trivia questions and he didn't know the Skipper's name (Jonas Grumby), he got the name of the boat (The S. S. Minnow), but Ginger's last name (Grant) eluded him. Jeff is too busy cumming when Ginger is onscreen.
Your next captain of industry
We also got to meet "the guy who hangs around Jeff," Ethan, who somehow got roped into running Jeff's Twitter account since Jeff doesn't have a computer.
Imagine being the underling who runs Jeff's Twitter account. What could be worse?
Before Jeff left, he had to plug the tuxedo rental company that is outfitting him for his appearance, and we realized what is worse than running Jeff's Twitter: being the guy who rents the tuxedo after Jeff has worn it.