No surprise here: Jeff the Drunk isn't healthy, currently laid up in the hospital with a case of pneumonia. But whereas most of us would be upset while sick in the hospital, Jeff apparently loves it. He told Howard he's being waited on hand and foot by the nurses on his floor; they feed him, bathe him, and change his bed. So Howard, of course, asked Jeff to call for a nurse to come and clean his balls but, apparently, they don't do that at this hospital.
DRUNKS ON PARADE
In other news, it's that time of year again – when kids pack New York City's streets and drink until they've brought shame to their parents. This St. Patrick's Day, our own Tracey Millman was out in the crowds asking questions and getting some wildly offensive answers. Here are just a few examples (and their wild answers):
Q: Would you have sex with a girl who was visibly intoxicated?
Q: Which nationality would you least like to be?
A: Vietnamese, because they started a war with America, but we won.
Q: If you had to bang an animal, which one would it be?
A: A female chimp (after confering with his friends about 'which is the hottest animal?')
Q: Why don't they ever elect an Irish pope?
A: Because he would lower the drinking age.
Q: Do you have a message for Syria?
A: Listen up Syria: The drinking age is never going to change. So just drink and have a good time.