Evil Dave Letterman stopped by today to speak his mind about Jimmy Fallon replacing Jay Leno as host of the Tonight Show. Here are some of his most profound thoughts:
- "I like the idea of Jimmy Fallon taking over the show; he's a hell of a lot more f**kable than Jay Leno."
- "I'm so excited for The Tonight Show to come back to NYC. They get the hottest interns on that show; hopefully we can trade."
- "Jimmy Fallon might be taking over The Tonight Show, but I'm still way better than him because I have a WHITE band leader."
- "You know, I should retire and let Kimmel, Fallon, and Leno all take over late night. They'll all be so busy trying to write their stupid jokes, I could sneak in and f**k all their wives and girlfriends."
- "TV just won't be the same without Jay... It'll be better." & "In the words of the great Kim Jung Un, I say to Jay: 'Sayonara Sh*thead!'"
- "My son asked me "What was Jay like on TV?" So I blasted a massive turd right on the screen. He got the point." & "I was going to write a Top 10 on why Jay was let go, and then it occurred to me…'Who gives a f**k!'"
- "I haven't been this excited since I first mounted an intern on my f**k couch."
- "As a condolence gift, I'm buying Jay a 1971 Pinto for his car collection. They're the ones with the exploding gas tank."