'Dave Letterman' Had Lots to Say About Late Night

Evil Dave Letterman stopped by today to speak his mind about Jimmy Fallon replacing Jay Leno as host of the Tonight Show. Here are some of his most profound thoughts:

  • "I like the idea of Jimmy Fallon taking over the show; he's a hell of a lot more f**kable than Jay Leno."
  • "I'm so excited for The Tonight Show to come back to NYC. They get the hottest interns on that show; hopefully we can trade."
  • "Jimmy Fallon might be taking over The Tonight Show, but I'm still way better than him because I have a WHITE band leader."
  • "You know, I should retire and let Kimmel, Fallon, and Leno all take over late night. They'll all be so busy trying to write their stupid jokes, I could sneak in and f**k all their wives and girlfriends."
  • "TV just won't be the same without Jay... It'll be better." & "In the words of the great Kim Jung Un, I say to Jay: 'Sayonara Sh*thead!'"
  • "My son asked me "What was Jay like on TV?" So I blasted a massive turd right on the screen. He got the point." & "I was going to write a Top 10 on why Jay was let go, and then it occurred to me…'Who gives a f**k!'"
  • "I haven't been this excited since I first mounted an intern on my f**k couch."
  • "As a condolence gift, I'm buying Jay a 1971 Pinto for his car collection. They're the ones with the exploding gas tank."