A brand new caller to the Stern Show, Derek from Texas, called up in the first hour. Some were suspicious that Derek was actually the recently-banned Eric the Midget in a clever disguise (mostly because he sounded exactly like Eric with a Southern accent), so Howard and Robin interrogated the breathy-voiced caller.
Q: Where are you from?
A: Texas . Okay, Eric is from Sacramento. Go on...
Q: How tall are you?
A: Over three feet tall. Because that's how most people answer that question.
Q: Are you in a wheelchair?
A: No. Hmmm... Eric the Midget is definitely in a wheelchair. Maybe this isn't him...
Q: Do you have hands like plums?
A: No. Eric the Midget has very plum-like hands. We've seen them.
Q: Do you have club f*cking feet?
A: No. Okay, Eric famously is "club f*cking footed" so if his feet are regular, he's not our Midget.
Q: What do you do for a living?
A: He's between jobs right now. Ha! Eric has spent a lifetime between jobs.
Q: How about some math problems?
A: "Derek" said he isn't good at math this early in the morning, which is an excuse familiar to anybody who has heard Eric the Midget.
Howard weighed the answers, deciding that maybe it was a whole new ungrateful wack packer... and we're always looking for stars to add to the list. He actually likes Derek a lot better than Eric. So did Gary, who said he "hated the midget."
It turns out that Derek from Texas also has problems with assholes on Twitter hassling him for tweeting celebrities, so we suggested that maybe he call Eric, and they can discuss how to handle that situation together.
And here's a message just for Derek: If you really are that diabolical Eric the Midget in disguise... we will find out. And then we'll know what to do... we'll know just what to do.