At the top of the show, we saluted the most important woman in the world, Robin Ophelia Quivers, in honor of her upcoming birthday.
First up, Gary Dell'Abate, the professional trumpet player who moonlights as a radio producer came in dressed in a beautiful poncho and sombrero to play an emotional version of "Robin's News Them" on his horn.
Then the hosts of the View, Janet Jackson, and Rod Stewart all wished Robin a Happy Birthday in taped messages (which were actually intended for Good Morning America's Robin Roberts, but why not repurpose them?).
Alec Baldwin, Chazz Palminteri and David Spade all recorded messages that were intended from the real Robin Quivers.
And in an incredibly exciting moment, we received a message from the man himself, the Travel Channel's Adam Richman, wishing Robin only the best.
We heard from the Hispanic gentleman in Los Angeles who hosed Robin off after she soiled herself while jogging, the man Robin straddled in the hospital while she was a nurse (who advises that if you are raped by a nurse, you should report it) and the famous "Audrey" who gave a young, sweet Robin anal sex in a San Francisco bathroom.
Even "Captain Sully Sullenberger", whom Robin decided was not a hero, sent in a message for the newswoman.
Perhaps the greatest Birthday greeting of all came from Master Shaman Jose, the man who administered ayahuasca tea to Robin in Peru.
He came with a translator and told the real story of Robin's $1,200 hallucinatory experience, in which she kept repeating "Ham Hands … Ham Hands" and was frightened by a vision of a man with the face of an animal named Baba Booey. He detailed how she pressed his hands into her breasts so he could help steady her, but his hands were too small.
Happy Birthday Robin!