Richard the Alcoholic

As you probably know, Richard is an enormous Metallica fan and he recently announced that he would do anything to sit in the studio next week when they perform live.

And that's the problem - he'll do ANYTHING. When a guy tells you he'll drink his own cum to meet Metallica, where do you go from there?

Well, we came up with the one thing Richard won't do: Stop drinking for one month.

Richard came running in, shouting "No way!" Before thinking it over and admitting that he could probably do it January but not during Halloween.

But if he stopped drinking for one month – starting today – he would clear Halloween by a couple weeks.

Not in Richard's world. "It's Halloween now!"

Richard pleaded "Can't I just suck your c*ck instead, Howard?"

Richard freely admits that he's an alcoholic and he couldn't believe we found the one thing that he can't do.

Richard said he'll do it. But of course, there must be a punishment if he fails. Howard suggested "he has to take Sal's c*ck in his asshole full on."

Or "We give your guinea pig, Taco, to somebody else." No way!

Finally, Sal came up with the punishment: He will not shower for a week and give Richard a mustache and goatee made of the "smegma" that collects in his pouch, promising it will make Richard vomit. It will be like Ricotta.

Richard agreed and it was settled.

But at the end of the show, Richard ran in and said he has a lot of drinking stuff planned in the next month and he just can't do it. His love of pumpkin booze outweighs his love of Metallica.

So now Richard has to get the "smegma" goatee from Sal (since he already agreed to the month of not drinking) and he won't even be allowed to be on our floor during the Metallica show.

That's a drinker, ladies and gentlemen.