Carol Leifer: Episode by Episode

Comedienne, writer, and Stern Show super fan Carol Leifer stopped by the studio this morning. She took Howard through her brilliant Seinfeld episodes, revealed some of the advice from her new book - How to Succeed in Business Without Really Crying - and announced that she's more 'committed to p*ssy' than ever before.


Howard is a big fan of Carol's and with good reason, she wrote some of the greatest Seinfeld plotlines of the show's heyday. Carol was quick to point out that nothing got on the air without going through Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David's brilliant comedic filter. Still, some of her plotlines sound like pure Carol.

The Lip Reader – Carol wrote in her book that the idea for the Lip Reader (where George brings a deaf woman to a party so she can lip read his ex-girlfriend and see why she broke up with him) was inspired by hearing deaf comedian Kathy Buckley on the Stern Show in the early 1990s.

The Hamptons – A ture classic featuring 'The ugly baby' and George's penile 'shrinkage'. Carol admitted that the term shrinkage actually came from Larry David, not her.

The Understudy – Seinfeld wasn't a megahit when Carol co-wrote The Understudy with the late great Marjorie Gross. Carol talked about pleading with Liza Minnelli on the phone to please play herself in a guest spot in the episode, but Liza declined. 'If you're gonna use me, you have to really use me.' Bette Midler ended up taking the role as a favor to her ailing friend Margorie.

Howard thought the idea of Elaine bringing George's Korean War veteran father to her nail salon so she can prove that the manicurists are smack-talking her was inspired. Carol said they used an exterior shot from a real salon and she still gets free service there to this day.

Carol's former boss Jerry Seinfeld

The Secretary - Howard particularly liked Elaine's story arch, where she becomes convinced that Barney's department store uses 'skinny mirrors'. Howard swears that he looks great at the gym and horrible in his home mirrors (more on that later).

The Rye – Carole wrote the brilliant plotline where Elaine dates a saxophone player who's artistry is compromised when he goes down on her too much – his lips aren't the same. Kramer also takes over a friend horse-drawn tourist carriage and feeds the horse a can of 'Beef-A-Reeno' (they weren't allowed to use 'Beefaroni').

The prop guy gave Carol the can, which she treasured until a mover accidentally threw it away, assuming it was garbage.


Each writer would pitch their ideas to Larry and Jerry one-on-two, so to speak. Carol described a tick of Larry's – he would rotate his shoulder if he didn't love an idea and say 'No, I can see that on another show'. Seinfeld did not want to be like any other show. But when a writer hit on something great – skinny mirrors or gossiping manicurists – Larry would leap up and shout 'That's a show!'

Other highlights from Carol's interview:

* It's somewhat rare for a comic to have one rough season at Saturday Night Live and go on to greatness, but that's what happened to Carol. She realizes now that she was writing to please fellow-writers Al Franken and Jim Downey and not the big man in charge, Lorne Michaels. Carol felt that Lorne didn't really get her, but instead of trying to show him her talent, she shrunk down and hid away from him. It taught her a valuable lesson – aim to please the man in charge. (Stern show staffers know this!)

* Someone who never shrunk down and hid away was stockbroker-turned-Stern Show writer Sal Governale. Carol actually used his story as a lesson in her book and, if you can't believe it, it's not what NOT to do. Carol wrote that by being the 'squeaky wheel', Sal made an impression and refused to be ignored. This has got to be the first and last time Sal will ever be used as a business success story.

Carol had a major announcement, a true Stern Show exclusive: She started off saying she loved her partner, Lori, they'd been together a long time. Howard thought she was about to announce that she was going back to guys, but Carol assured him 'I'm committed to p*ssy.' In fact, she was more committed than ever as she announced that she and her partner were getting married.

Check out Carol's new book 'How to Succeed in Business Without Really Crying'.