Longtime friend of the show Sharon Osbourne stopped this morning to update Howard on everything that was going on her life. Naturally, there were a few curse words thrown around, but Sharon's British accent makes them sound poetic.
SHARON ON OZZY
Sharon revealed that she tried to get the Prince of Darkness himself, Ozzy Osbourne, to go to marriage therapy with her. The Oz Man didn't take kindly to the sessions. He'd immediately say he had to pay and then waste ten billable minutes in the john while Sharon and the doctor waited.
When they did get to the therapy, Ozzy would immediately get defensive when the doctor pointed out his bad behavior. 'Don't get angry at us,' Sharon said. 'You're the f*cker who's doing it!'
Ozzy does see a therapist on his own, and that works much better for him.
SHARON ON MONEY
One subject that got brought up in their short-lived counseling was Sharon's spending. 'Not that fucking chestnut again' Sharon wailed.
Ozzy, according to Sharon, 'has a phobia about money' because he grew up so poor. Any fan of their enormous reality series 'The Osbournes' will remember Ozzy freaking out every time Sharon went shopping.
Sharon admitted that, yes, she does like to buy high-quality clothing and furnishing but insists it's only because they last for a while.
Howard asked if it's true that she is paid $3 million per year to co-host 'The Talk'. Sharon would not confirm that number, but Howard guessed that it must be pretty close.
SHARON ON FAME
Howard wanted to know which of her 'The Talk' co-stars Sharon would go down on, if she had to. Sharon wasted no time in identifying Sara Gilbert. She's small, Sharon said. She's also the only lesbian in the group.
Sharon famously got glamorous after years of being frumpy. She still works at it today, as a spokeswoman for the Atkins Diet. She also had her breasts implanted with fat from her ass. 'They look sixteen,' she said. 'You're in trouble when you get to the face, but the tits look good.' Unfortunately, she's lost all sensation in her nipples, but 'you can't have everything, Howard.'
Sharon seems to love hosting 'The Talk' and she loves her co-hosts as well, particularly Julie Chen. Sharon even gets to go hang out at the home Julie shares with her husband. CBS head Les Moonves. She reported that he has a real movie theater in his house and the three of them sit around watching films regularly.
Sharon, Julie Chen and Sara Gilbert
SHARON ON FEUDS
But there are plenty of people in show business whom Sharon doesn't like.
Sharon recently feuded with Jonah Hill's brother, Jordan Feldstein, after she felt that he was bullying her daughter Kelly. According to Sharon, he reportedly said something about how she wouldn't be famous if it weren't for her father. Sharon countered that Jordan wouldn't be famous if it weren't for his brother, and, as we've seen on this show before, in a fight with Sharon Osbourne is not somewhere you want to be.
Sharon is critical of both Justin Bieber and Kanye West. She feels Bieber's music is unsubstantial and thinks Kanye says stupid things. Howard asked who she would send to space if she could – 'I think they'd make a nice couple', she replied.
Don't miss Sharon on CBS's 'The Talk'.