High Pitch Erik: A Hopeful Hero

It's impossible to really identify the grossest member of the Wack Pack, but High Pitch Erik would certainly make anyone's short list. He stopped by this morning, hobbling in with a cane, to discuss his astonishing weight loss and give the audience an update on his life.

Erik claimed that he was down to 261lbs from 271lbs. Later, when waddled onto the scale, it turns out he was off by 100lbs – he was actually 360lbs. According to Erik, that meant he was down an extra pound, instead of up 99lbs.

Erik's myriad health problems, - a bad back, bleeding gums, etc, etc - don't slow him down as much as you might think. In fact, he was recently on the way to the hospital to drain puss from his thumb when he decided to drop in for a pre-dinner at IHOP – ordering three pancakes, eggs, sausage – before getting his thumb looked at.

Erik has even learned to nap on the go – his medication recently caused him to fall asleep right in the middle of the street.

He does still spend a fair amount of time in his apartment – which happens to be in same building as fellow wack packer Joey Boots. But even asleep, he's still leads a thrilling life – occasionally hallucinating tigers in his window while on the drug Wellbutrin and screaming. And when he is awake, he often cuts himself because he's depressed.

He and boots often meet up to record videos, like the recent one where Erik admitted that his new goal is to become a firefighter. Fighting fires and saving lives in one of the most physically demanding jobs on the planet, but hey, shoot for the stars.

Eric also admitted that, while he doesn't jerk off and hasn't been laid in years, he really wants to bang Tan Mom. He alleged that she was all over him at the Birthday Bash, but she was drunk, and Erik is a gentleman, so he didn't take advantage of her.

Anyway, for all the fascinating updates on Erik's madcap life, follow him @hperik71.