Evil Dave Letterman

Everyone's favorite fake talk show host Evil Dave Letterman stopped by and let's just say, when he's not on CBS (and he's never on CBS), he really works blue. Here are some of the highlights from Dave's monologue:

I jerked off to that Kardashian show last night. No one gets me harder than that Bruce Jenner.

Can I make a revelation? I don't mind a few fingers up my ass. I just hate washing my hands afterwards.

Howard here's a tip on eating p*ssy. Eat it like a pizza, everything but the crust.

Did you watch Tina and Amy hosting the Golden Globes? When I see those two together, I can only think - which one would I want to blow me and which one would I want to tongue my asshole?

The best thing about having a young son? I have someone to blame when I miss the toilet... or spray "Dirty jews" on the neighborhood synagaue.

At Christmas, I saw a blind Santa outside Macy's holding a can, and I learned something very important about giving: tiny pebbles sound EXACTLY like coins.

Whose ass do you think smells best after a big workout - Jennifer Lopez. Kim Kardashian or Nicki Minaj? My money is on Nicki - she may be crazy - but she strikes me as a good wiper.

Howard I know you like fine dining. Have you ever tasted Ethiopian food? Neither have they.