High Pitch Erik: His Real Life

World-famous Wack Packer and yo-yo dieter High Pitch Erik leads a fascinating life. His life is so fascinating, in fact, that we sent our reporter Jon Leiberman to follow Erik and report back on every little detail of his life.

The facts are these:

Erik receives $91.50 from the government twice a month. He also receives food stamps, has health insurance, and half his rent is paid by his father (no word on who pays the other half).

He loves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches so much that he'll eat a cool four of them – and that's just breakfast.

He'll also often consume an entire box of Twinkies while he plays video games.

Jon Leiberman naturally wanted to see what a gym visit with Erik was like and, surprise surprise, he had no idea where his gym was.

When they did finally find the gym, Erik basically was massaged by water in a hydro machine.

He's so fat that he cannot reach his own ass, so he has to have his friend, neighbor, and Stern Show regular Joey Boots apply ointment to his hole. Why does Joey agree to do this? Nobody has any idea.

Erik also asks Joey to massage him, tuck him into bed at night and sometimes even cuddle with him.

Lest you think Erik is gay (and why would you?) he has made love to a woman. He had sex with his ex-girlfriend in her vagina and her ass – though when asked to describe a vagina, Erik said he went 'into the clit'.

Without permission, Erik convinced a vendor to install a vending machine in his building. The guy also gave Erik $100 in the snack equivalent of funny money.