Good Morning Everybody!
Howard took a call early Tuesday morning from "Hung Handsome Howard," the alternate-reality version of himself who detailed how he's been operating throughout the coronavirus pandemic. "This guy is me only if he had a huge penis, was extremely handsome like Brad Pitt, and super, super relaxed and successful and not neurotic," the real Howard explained with a laugh.
One immediate difference is that while actual Howard has stayed put in his home for over a month, his counterpart has enjoyed travel. "I got it made man, I just got back from Italy it was beautiful dude," Hung Handsome Howard revealed. "Ciao bella – that's Italian for I have it made and you don't, Howard."
While Howard has been busy wiping down and decontaminating, his opposite has taken a decidedly different approach. "I just did the corona challenge on TikTok, licking things in public for likes," alternate Howard said coolly. "I'm going so viral right now … I'm not going to get the coronavirus."
That's not to say "Hung Handsome Howard" hasn't been collecting essential items for survival. "I'm stockpiling supplies too," he noted. "I've got weed, lube, rubbers. I've got a whole inventory – I've never fucked so much."
Like the real Howard, the alternate version has also wrecked his hands, though not from washing them excessively. "I've been shredding guitar all day," he bragged. "I learned to be a masterful guitar player when I was young. This is Eddie Van Halen's 'Eruption' – enjoy."
Hear more about how well things are going for "Hung Handsome Howard" in the full audio (below).