AMPUTEES GALORE!

There were five contestants in the Amputee Beauty Pageant and they were being judged on their personality, their looks, and the actual amputation itself. They were playing for a $10,000 prize, so it was a pretty big deal. The first contestant was a woman named Hillary who was missing an entire leg. She lost it to bone cancer and came in wearing the prosthetic. Howard asked her to take it off, but she declined, saying it was a pain in the ass to take off and her stump. That hurt her score a little. Hillary told a little about her life, like how she went to rehab for drugs a bunch of years ago, and then after she got out of rehab she was raped by a home intruder. Meanwhile, Artie was joking with her, and every other candidate, by pretending they were just whining with their sad stories. He kept saying this like “Wah Wah Wah, I got out of rehab and was raped, waaahhhh, my rapist didn’t use a condom, wah wah wah?” The next contestant was a woman named Corrine who was missing an arm. It turns out that when she was 5 her grandmother put her on a riding lawn mower, and then she feel off and the lawn mower chopped her arm off. She used to blame herself for it but doesn’t anymore. She took her arm off right away and showed everyone. The third contestant was a woman named Jennifer and she walked in and took her arm off right away. She lost hers in a car accident when she was five. Jennifer could also queef on demand and showed off her talent. She then barked like a dog too. Everyone loved her and gave her really high scores. Chaunce even wanted to give her an 11 (on a scale of 1 to 10).