Show Rundown: June 22, 2005
Pornstar Jessica Jaymes paid a visit to the show today. Some of you may recall that Jessica was in the studio back in November of last year to inaugurate the Robospanker. Howard read that Jessica was working on a new porn feature called, “Desperate Housewhores”, (Robin was wondering when “Desperate Housewives” would get “porned”).
Howard also read that Jessica enjoys a good colonic every once in a while. Jessica said she does get one every few weeks to keep herself cleaned out, but it’s not exactly something she enjoyed. Jessica went on to describe the process of putting on the robe, lying on the table and grabbing the bar they provide for the shock of the water entering your bowels from the wrong end. Jessica claims the “normal” amount of water intake is about 60 seconds, but she could only take 25 seconds.
Howard joked that when Robin was into this form of “cleansing” she could take 17 minutes of water. This was how Robin was able to find a crayon in her “output.” He said they discovered a couple of gallons of oil in Robin — Robin laughed that it was more like barrels. Howard thought she might need to join OPEC.
Howard let Jessica plug two of her current films, “Taboo 9” and — one of Richard and Artie’s favorites — “The Porn Identity”. Jessica also pointed out that she is the only contract girl at Hustler these days. Howard had read that Jessica recently passed out at an LA Laker game and Jessica really didn’t seem too interested in discussing this. Eventually she revealed that she had been slipped the drug, GhB, and had passed out. Whoever did it to her, didn’t get to take advantage of her as she was taken away in an ambulance — where she tested positive for GhB. Jessica said she had no idea who did it to her. Artie wanted to know why anybody in their right mind would drug a porn star — it seemed counterproductive to him.
Porn or Peril
Howard had one of Jessica’s biggest fans, Richard Christy, come into the studio to meet the object of his Friday night’s desires. Richard said his favorite movie of hers was “The Porn Identity” and described his favorite scene from the movie. Richard said it was one of his all-time favorites because it was Jessica’s first boy-girl film. Howard proposed a game to Jessica and the porn-star struck drummer, in which Richard would be asked a series of questions about Jessica’s career and for each one he got right he would be able to perform a different act like, squeeze her bare breasts, squeeze her bare ass, spank her bare ass and strip down to his Homer Simpson boxers and lie on top of her naked body. Jessica seemed to approve, and Richard surely did. Then Howard dropped the bomb, if he got a question wrong he would have to submit to a chocolate teabag or bandit mask from none other than CAPTAIN SACK!
Captain Sack came into the studio dressed in a wrestling singlet, with a hole cut out for his balls to hang out, a cape and a mask. Richard wavered a little, but Jessica told him he could do it so he agreed to the challenge. Richard managed to answer the first 3 questions quickly and easily, enjoying his time squeezing Jessica’s breasts and ass and then giving her a good spanking, which she really enjoyed. However, Richard stumbled on the 4th and final question — causing Captain Sack to squeal with glee. The Captain immediately grabbed his bottle of Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup and started squeezing it on to his exposed sack. Richard lay on the floor, closed his eyes and the Sack Man dropped the chocolate drenched teabag onto his forehead, while at the same time squirting mayonnaise on Christy’s chin and chest. With his eyes closed, Richard had no idea what the creamy substance was that was landing on him. Needless to say there were loud protests from everyone in the studio during this event. Richard was very relieved to find out that it was only mayonnaise when he was finally able to open his eyes. Artie wanted to know which of the two was gayer for having participated in this sexual act and even Jessica was grossed out by the whole scene.
Howard let Jessica plug her Website – www.jessicajaymes.com – one more time to finish up the segment.