Heavily Medicated and Ready to Talk

February 28, 2006
Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Anna Benson, the cover girl of next month’s FHM and wife of Baltimore Orioles pitcher, Kris Benson, stopped into the studio. Anna admitted that, because of an illness, she had taken Sudafed, Robitussin and Tylenol with codeine before her appearance, so she wasn’t feeling like her normal self. When Howard suggested that she should’ve stayed in bed to recover instead of subjecting herself to all the medication, Anna replied that it was worth it because she wanted to talk to him.

Howard mentioned that Anna was wearing bright-red lipstick, which he acknowledged made him think about her performing oral sex. Anna told Howard that she’s good at oral sex, largely because Kris has been a good teacher. Anna went on to say that she’d do anything to please her husband, even going as far as putting her tongue on his “taint.” However, Anna also noted that Kris won’t let her put her tongue there out of fear that he will “smell.” Anna then gave Howard the bra she used for her most recent FHM shoot, which she noted will be the closest he ever gets to her breasts. Howard promised Anna he would put the gift in the studio trophy rack.

Howard brought up that Anna is being blamed in some circles for her husband’s trade from the New York Mets to the Baltimore Orioles. Anna responded, though, that while the Orioles needed a number one pitcher, the Mets “were short on balls.” Anna explained that all Baltimore traded for her husband was “a bag of balls,” but that the Mets were “still short on balls.” After telling Anna that she isn’t a standup and should stop trying to be funny, Howard informed her that the press didn’t like the way she came on his show and talked about sex, as well as the comments she made about newly acquired Met, Carlos Delgado and his refusal to come out of the dugout during the National Anthem. Gary then came into the studio and added that Anna has also been criticized by some for claiming that the Mets are trying to assemble an “all-Latin” team. Although Anna defended herself claiming that she believes strongly in free speech, Artie pointed out that, if he were a Mets fan, he wouldn’t want a player’s wife annoying someone as good as Carlos Delgado. Gary agreed with Artie’s statement, even though he also noted that the Mets knew that Anna was a major part of Kris’ life when they acquired him from the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Fred asked Anna if she intended to hurt her husband, because, in his opinion, she put Kris in an embarrassing situation with the Mets. When Anna insisted that Kris was happier in Baltimore than he was in New York, Fred replied he doubted that is truly the case, adding that New York is every professional athlete’s dream city. Despite Fred’s claim, Anna said that Kris had spoken to her about her behavior several times and that he’s always encouraged her to be true to herself and not care what anyone else thinks of her. To help her with her point, Anna then noted that Howard’s been unfairly accused of being a racist in past, so she wondered why he hasn’t gotten rid of Robin because of his critics. However, Howard asked Anna to give him one of her Sudafeds with the hope that he’d then be able to understand her logic.

Howard mentioned that Anna doesn’t like film-maker, Michael Moore, which she acknowledged was true. Anna explained that she feels that way because, to her, Michael makes his money “trashing everybody,” yet doesn’t donate his profits to help any of his causes. When Howard pointed out to Anna, though, that she has no way of knowing what Michael does with his money, she conceded he was right. After Anna went on to say that she keeps guns “all over” her house, Howard noted that he didn’t like that she was wearing pantyhose. Anna responded that she’d never seen Howard look better than he did this morning, but that she wouldn’t be showing him any skin. However, Anna did say that she’d be interested in talking to Beth to find out if there was any chemistry between the two of them. This led Anna to say that she’s experimented with women in the past, but that she’s never brought a female home for her husband, only because Kris has never requested such a scenario.

Because of the comments Artie made about her involvement in Kris’ trade from the Mets and the sound effects Fred was playing during her interview, Anna demanded that they come out from where they were “hiding” and say those things to her face. However, Fred told her that, since they were working, they couldn’t leave their posts, but that she was more than welcome to come back where they were so they could grant her wish. Howard then wondered if Anna would dance with him, an act she said she’d do only if he came to the couch. After Howard and Anna briefly danced to Kayne West’s “Gold Digger,” Anna noted that she felt something in Howard’s pants during their session. Howard informed Anna that the bulge wasn’t what she thought it was and that it was actually his “huge wallet.”

Howard took a number of calls from listeners who criticized not only Anna’s unwillingness to disrobe for Howard, but also what they felt was Kris’ sub-par performance during his time with the Mets. Howard once again tried to get Anna to show him her body, but all she said she’d do was remove her stockings for 50 plugs, an offer Howard declined. Before she left, Howard asked Anna what her biggest fantasy is. Anna responded that, because Kris has been in spring training the past few weeks in Florida, all she really wants is five hours alone with him.