Jackie Martling Returns: Getting the Band Back Together … But Not Really

March 13, 2007
Photo: The Howard Stern Show

As Jackie Martling walked into the studio, Fred immediately launched into his impression of him, which led Jackie to point out he seemed to make Fred vocal. Howard responded he agreed with Jackie’s assessment, and Fred explained he talked more when Jackie was around because he considered him to be “an asshole” because of the way he treated the show years ago. Jackie and Fred then continued to trade insults with each other, with Fred telling Jackie he felt he was selfish and left the show in an unprofessional manner. While the argument continued, Artie noted he felt like “a fan” again listening to Fred and Jackie debate on the radio. Jackie went on to mention he recently asked Fred to go to dinner with him, but that he declined because it was too “blustery” outside, which Fred admitted was simply his way of “turning down” Jackie’s request.

Ready for Another Year

Jackie announced he had just signed a year-long contract to do “Joke Hunt” on Howard 101, and Howard mentioned his sister recently tuned into a broadcast and listened to the whole episode.

After Fred acknowledged he didn’t like “Joke Hunt,” Jackie commented he didn’t understand why Fred was so hostile toward him. Howard then told Jackie that Fred was upset with him because of the problems he constantly had with his contract at KROCK, a fact Robin admitted angered her as well.

It Always Comes Back to the Teeth

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Jackie said he knew the comedian, Richard Jeni, who shot himself over the weekend, referring to him as “the last guy” he ever thought would kill himself. Jackie added he felt Richard was “a road warrior” before calling him “so goddamn funny.” Jackie then compared Gary to a woman, explaining he thought Gary knew every time he talked to someone, that their eyes would inevitably shift down – not to his breasts – but to his teeth. Upon hearing that,

Gary said, “And this is the reason I miss Jackie,” while Howard noted he had the exact experience earlier in the day while talking to Gary. Fred then pointed out he always noticed Jackie brought up Gary’s teeth out of nowhere, and that his change-of-subject this morning proved that.

Howard went on to remember the time Gary accidentally wrote “amke” instead of “make” in an email, and that, to this day, Jackie included “amke” in every email he sent out to people from the show. Jackie proceeded to recall other things he used to do to Gary, including putting pieces of paper on the faces of people in photographs to make it look like they had big teeth, as well as how he, Howard and Fred once painted portraits of Gary.

It’s All About the Title

Jackie reported he last had sex a week ago, and Howard noted he thought he left the show at the worst time imaginable seeing as he was in the process of getting divorced at the time and could’ve used the show to get tons of women.

Gary recalled how uncomfortable it was in the studio when Jackie declared himself “head writer” over his writing partner, Fred. Jackie replied he gave himself the title because he was “the last person” to see all the material passed to Howard during the show, but Fred admitted Jackie’s insistence on the title still “pissed” him off.

Fred went on to say he and Jackie were a team until Jackie decided to make himself “the head cheerleader.”

Although Jackie defended his move by claiming Fred was busy with sound effects, he acknowledged he “anointed” himself head writer, a fact that Fred said would’ve upset anyone in his position.

Howard next took calls from listeners, including one from a man who wanted to play “Stump the Joke Man,” offering this punch-line: “How was the copper wire invented?” Jackie then giggled and responded, “Two Jews fightin’ over a penny.”

More Than a Feeling


Benjy acknowledged he had an issue with Jackie because of the way he thought Jackie treated him off the air, referring to their on-air relationship as “a fake frivolity.” As Jackie insisted he had no history with Benjy and therefore didn’t think they had a troubled friendship, Howard asked Benjy for an example to prove his theory. However, all Benjy could come up with was that he felt like Jackie was “cold” toward him.

Same Relationship, Different Name

When another caller asked why Jackie and his first wife, Nancy, divorced, he blamed it on their constant arguing. Jackie proceeded to say, though, that he and Nancy were still friends who didn’t have sex, adding it was kind of like they were still married.

Before Jackie left, he said he had a new joke: “A woman said to her husband, ‘I’m sure I can make you feel good and bad in bed at the same time: You have a much bigger d*ck than your brother.'” Upon hearing the joke, Fred pointed out he thought Jackie had said he had a “new” joke to tell. When Jackie started telling more stories about how he got to Fred while they worked together, Fred insisted he was telling his stories incorrectly, and that Jackie was reminding him of a drunken uncle who was the only one who thought his own jokes were funny.