Artie Lange’s Air Conditioner-Induced Sick Day

Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Howard started off the show noting that Artie wouldn’t be in today.

Gary came in to say that Artie called him at 5:15 and claimed to be having voice troubles due to his window-mounted AC unit (King of All Blacks would later call in to question why a man of Artie’s obvious wealth didn’t have central air).

Howard countered that Artie’s health might be suffering for another reason, citing an email from a doctor who described the dangerous and debilitating consequences of long-term Subutex use.

Howard then read an excerpt from the email, which detailed why Subutex should only be used in extreme cases of opiate addiction, and even then just for a short period. A lot of the symptoms described in the email (sluggishness, exhaustion, excessive sweating, etc.) perfectly matched Artie’s behavior.

Howard said he might’ve made a mistake yesterday by giving Artie a copy of the email, as it probably freaked him out. Gary agreed, saying it might’ve hit Artie hard enough to think he needed a break/rest. Howard countered that Artie was most likely just upset over losing his Lord of the Anal Rings title, the first assessment to get Fred’s seal of approval.