Wendy the Retard Needs Some Cash

December 15, 2008
Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Wendy the Retard called in to wish everyone a happy holiday…and to ask for money. Robin and Howard asked what happened to the deal they made last time (the show gave Wendy some money under the condition she never call back to beg for more), so Wendy coughed that she wanted to renegotiate. Howard asked if Wendy was coughing/sick because she was overweight, and Wendy admitted that the theory was probably true, as she’s up to 230lbs. Howard told Wendy that she should grow taller instead of fatter, but Wendy didn’t think that was a possibility: “Because I came out a little retarded.”

Howard then promised Wendy $500 if she could answer a few questions correctly: What is math? Wendy: “Math is where you add, subtract, take away and divide.” What is 8 plus 7? Wendy: “20.” {Howard laughed that he’d give it to her anyway because she was within five.} What do you do if there’s a fire in a movie theater? Wendy: “You should go to the fire exit.” What’s wrong with the Jews? Wendy: “They need to spend more time with Chinese people…[and] they don’t have more common sense than other people.” Why does everyone hate the Jews? Wendy: “Because people do not get along with them…because the Jews hate everybody and the Jews hate everyone that they don’t like.” How can you tell if a person is a Jew? Wendy: “They tap your shoulder when they introduce themselves to you.” Are a Jew’s horns 2, 3 or 5 inches tall? Wendy: “3 inches?” (When asked how she knew the answer, Wendy explained that she’d never seen a Jew’s horns herself, she just knew the answer from a test she took before graduating high school.) Why would a white woman sleep with a black man? Wendy: “Because they love the black person.” What do you get when you mate a black person with a horse? Wendy: “A donkey?” Why are black people scared of water? Wendy: “Because it’s deep.” What do you get when you mate a donkey with a Jew? Wendy: “A horse?” What do you get when you mate a Jew and a black person? Wendy: “A donkey?” Howard congratulated Wendy on answering all the questions correctly and awarded her $500. Wendy said she planned to use the money to buy her mom a deep fryer.