Wendy the Retard called in to complain that her new puppy--Princess Jasmine--had "chewed up my underwears."
Howard thought Wendy was better off without them: "You know you love getting air on your vagina."
Wendy agreed but had reservations: "When I'm on my period I have my pad on my underwear."
Howard couldn't understand why Wendy's sister would buy her a dog: "Is your sister retarded?" Wendy deadpanned: "No. Just me."