David Spade Is Doing OK

David Spade called in to promote his CBS series, 'Rules of Engagement,' which he hoped would make it into syndication: "Then I'll get that new Jetta I've been eyeballing."

Howard knew David already had a new car--a Maserati that Adam Sandler gave him after the success of 'Grown-Ups'--so David shrugged: "I like the car because I never would've bought myself something like that."

The Skippy Incident

Howard asked David to re-tell the story of his homicidal (ex-)assistant Skippy, so David obliged, describing how the guy had attacked him while he slept: "It was one of those look-up-at-5-in-the-morning-think-there's-someone-there-and-there-is [situations]. And he's just standing there and started hitting me."

David had grabbed his shotgun and ran: "I got scared because I couldn't find him so I locked myself in the bathroom."

David said the police later discovered some harrowing details: "I think he did, like, an eightball that night...the idea was I could've woken up so he was tazing me so I could be incapacitated--like that Michelle Pfeiffer movie--so then he could go under the bed and get the gun."

Being tazed awake was pretty unpleasant: "Every time he kept going zzt-zzt, I [was] like, 'Uncool!'"