Howard’s ‘Tonight Show?’

March 19, 2013
Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Are the rumors true? Is Howard Stern going to replace his big-chinned nemesis Jay Leno on The Tonight Show? Well, here is Howard’s official statement this morning: “No comment.”

While he didn’t confirm or deny the reports that he could be jumping to late night, Howard did give his fans a preview of what his version of The Tonight Show would look like. Here’s what you could expect from his first show:

  • JD will be the announcer
  • Robin will work the corpse of Ed McMahon by sticking her hand up his ass and moving his arms and mouth.
  • Howard will dig up the skeleton of Johnny Carson and then “p*ss and f*ck his skull.” Why? Because Johnny used to beat his wife, and it’s time people learned the truth about their beloved late-night icon.
  • Doc Severonson, who is still alive, is coming back to lead the band.
  • Joan Rivers will be Howard’s first guest, and she’ll take a dump on Johnny Carson’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
  • Matt Lauer will come out second, and bukkake a picture of Ann Curry’s face.