Ronnie Get’s a Gum Job

June 11, 2014

Ronald Norman Mund, Howard’s longtime limo driver, has said and done his fair share of creepy things. His vulgar language, hyper-sexual persona, and advanced age have made him the most famous limo driver in the world, but he really outdid himself this morning.

First, during a perfectly innocent ‘Ronnie’s Fathers Day Sex Tip’, he advocated giving your father or grandfather a blow job. He said knock on your grandpa’s door and say ‘I’ve loved you all my life, now I want to blow you.’

Let’s move on from that! The subject got Ronnie thinking about how great a ‘gum job’ is – meaning when a woman talked out her dentures and services you with her mouth.

It would seem that Ronnie is an experienced gum job receiver. He and a buddy once saw an ad in the local Pennysaver advertising a massage.

They showed up the woman’s house and discovered she was seventy or eighty years old, but they stuck to their plan. Ronnie described the surroundings in detail – stacks of old newspapers and LIFE Magazines, you know, a romantic setting.

The woman gave him a massage, using almost a whole bottle of baby powder just on his back. Then she flipped him over and started in on his front.

Then, she disappeared into the bathroom and came out with a cup. She removed her teeth, dropped them into the water, and proceeded to go down on little Ronald, who came very quickly. ‘It was pretty cool,’ he recalled this morning.

The price for a chalky massage and a good gum job from a 70+ year old hoarder? $40.