Wendy vs. Gary in Battle of the Slow Adults

Wack Packers face off before earning themselves two new nicknames

June 25, 2014

Gary and Wendy, two cornerstones of the Wack Pack, stopped by the studio today to trade brilliant insults for the chance to win a beautiful Trofee.

Stern Show icon Wendy had lost almost all of her teeth to Mountain Dew and lost almost all of her cats (7 out of 9). She’s also still making doody in her diaper, but only when she’s too busy or away from a toilet.

Gary is still living in Oregon and still smoking (though he’s trying to quit). He’s also still holding a steady job at Burgerville, where he’s been for almost nine years.

The two of them – who have always been at each others throats – settled the score today as the insults flew! Here are some the best of them:

“Wendy, I’d like to have sex with the diaper but not you!” Gary said.

“Gary, you’re so ugly when I shit my diaper this morning I thought I gave birth to you, you fucking retard,” Wendy said.

Wendy: “Gary, you’re so ugly that I wouldn’t fuck you with Howard’s dick.”

Gary: “Wendy, you look like Jon Hein with a vagina.”

Wendy: “Your face looks like Ronnie’s balls!”

Gary: “Wendy, try not to step on your tits!”

Wendy: “Gary, you’re so stupid you tried to drown a fish!”

Finally, it was time to end the madness and cast the votes to see who would be going home with the trophy made from a paper cup and a fork. Everyone but Robin Quivers voted for Wendy. Benjy Bronk specifically commended her Mitch Hedberg-like delivery.

Both Wack Packers went home with $2,500 and Howard tried to settle on new surnames for them” Wendy the Slow Adult and Gary the Conquerer.

Nothing was set in stone.

Howard had Wendy come back in after the break because he’d gotten a report that the green room smelled suspicious. Wendy then admitted she had, in fact, soiled herself.