At the top of the show, Howard spoke about Jay Leno's last and Jimmy Fallon's first time hosting "The Tonight Show. Leno went off the air on February 6 and Fallon hosted his first show last night, in New York on the same stage Johnny Carson started on.
Jay had given Jimmy a word of advice: do a long opening monologue. That's why people tune in.
So Howard decided to take Jay's advice and launched into a 19-minute monologue of current events jokes. Here's a sampling of Howard' Late-Night Monologue (Hey ohhhhh!!):
(2 minute mark) They just sold a Harley Davidson motorcycle that briefly belonged to Pope Francis at auction for $327,000 dollars. So the Pope owned a Harley? This guy is hip - what's next - a Sybian?
(6 minute mark) For those of you who feel lost now that I've made up with Kathie Lee, here are people you can still hate, along with me: Jay Leno, Osama Bin Laden, Jay Leno, Hitler, Jay Leno, Kim Jong Un, and how about Jay Leno.
(8 minutes) Sal Governale is such a romantic, he got his wife a pink snow shovel for Valentine's Day!
(12 minutes) A Hindu cult promotes drinking cow piss. I was considering becoming a Hindu but this may be a deal breaker!
(13 minutes) 7-Eleven invented a Nacho Cheese-Stuffed Dorito called Doritos Loaded. Or as I like to call them: JD's Cause of Death!
(16 minutes) Derek Jeter is retiring. Baseball was getting in the way of the pussy.
(19 minutes!) Shirley Temple died. In honor of Shirley Temple, Richard's gonna drink a Shirley Temple out of his own ass.
By the end, Howard was exhausted, and his advice to Jimmy Fallon: "Do your own thing."