Longtime cornerstones of the Wack Pack Gary and Wendy - both formerly known as 'the Retard', but soon to possibly be known as something else – stopped by today to trade brilliant insults (in what Robin called the 'Half Dozens') for the chance to win a beautiful Trofee.
Stern Show icon Wendy had lost almost all of her teeth to a disease called Mountain Dew and lost almost all of her cats (7 out of 9). She's also still making doody in her diaper, but only when she's too busy or away from a toilet.
Gary is still living in Oregon and still smoking (though he's trying to quit). He's also still holding a steady job at 'Burgerville', where he's been for almost nine years.
The two of them – who have always been at each others throats – settled the score today as the insult flew!
Here are the best of them:
Gary: 'Wendy, I'd like to have sex with the diaper but not you!'
Wendy: 'Gary, you're so ugly when I shit my diaper this morning I thought I gave birth to you, you f*cking retard.' Then Wendy riffed a little bit: 'I said retard Howard, I don't give a shit. F*ck you Howard. I'm a retard. I'm proud!'
Wendy: 'Gary, you're so ugly that I wouldn't f*ck you with Howard's dick.'
Gary: 'Wendy, you look like Jon Hein with a vagina.'
Wendy: 'Your face looks like Ronnie's balls you f*cking retard!'
Gary: 'Wendy, try not to step on your tits!'
Wendy: 'Gary, you're so stupid you tried to drown a fish!' Then she shifted gears a little 'Gary, you're so ugly that JD wouldn't f*ck you! He'd f*ck anything but you, Gary. He's a fat f*ck who looks Chinese.'
Finally, it was time to end the madness and cast the votes to see who would be going home with the trophy made from a paper cup and a fork. Everyone except Robin Quivers (who obviously has something against women) voted for Wendy. Benjy commended her Mitch Hedburg-like delivery.
Both of them went home with $2,500 and Howard tried to settle on new surnames for them. Wendy the Slow Adult? Gary the Conquerer?
Nothing was set in stone.
Howard had Wendy come back in after the break because he'd gotten a report that the green room smelled suspiciously. Wendy admitted that she had, in fact, soiled herself.