George Takei Surrounded By Black Penises

As you've surely read in the news, today the world experienced The Prettiest Black Penis Contest.

While the contestants - Ahmad, Adam and Moe - were wonderful performers, George's classic exclamations were really the star of the show this morning.

Here are some of the choice quotes from George:

When asked how big the biggest penis he'd ever had was, George responded: 'I don't go around measuring, I just go around enjoying'.

As her surveyed the goods on the gentlemen before him, he gleefully announced: 'These are proper penises!'

Howard recalled a story George once told about making use of a glory hole: 'AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,' George erupted. 'I've talked too much on this show!'

'Can I touch the merchandise?' George cooed. 'I must heal and touch.'

Ahmad, the first contestant, let him touch away.

Adam was contestant #2. 'Take your whole robe off,' George commanded. 'Very nice, very nice'.

The last contestant, Moe, a bona fide porn star, did not want to be touched by George. 'You live a very limited life', George admonished, with more than a hint of sadness. Alas, Moe's member remained untouched. 'Moe's not giving me no mo'', George said.

'I get excited by … Oh Myyy', he offered up his famous catchphrase as Moe disrobed. 'There's a wonderful curvature to it as it hangs. I can see why you're in movies'.

Even Robin admitted 'they all have very nice penises'.

'They're all very impressive and they're all very fit-looking. They're all in beautiful context. They're all different'

'Ahmad, you have a gorgeous penis by itself but in the context, it's a little overstated.' In other words, he's too big.

Moe was undoubtedly hurt by the fact that he didn't want George's hands rubbing him, so the crown went to Adam.

'It was a landmark event!' George cried. But it wasn't all hunky-dory as George started thinking of his beloved husband Brad - 'There's a price I'm gonna pay for this when I get home'.