Fred the Elephant Boy – who, as Howard pointed out, is 57 years old and should probably be called 'Fred the Elephant MAN' at this point – stopped by the studio this morning with an agenda.
He had a guest that he really wanted Howard to interview – wrestler Rob Van Dam. Why did Fred want Rob Van Dam on the show? We're still not 100% sure. He didn't seem to know Rob, he even claimed that he wasn't physically attracted to Rob.
Fred's sole reason for pushing Rob is that Rob has Hulk Hogan stories and would be a good interview. Howard still couldn't believe that Fred didn't want Rob sexually, but Fred went so far as to say that he would distance himself from Rob if Rob asked him out on a date.
Fred had a girlfriend for a while, but they seem to have broken up – though he claimed they are still 'friendly'. They broke up in February, though our beloved roving reporter Jon Leiberman revealed that Fred and his girlfriend hadn't had sex in years.
Fred went on to praise Rob and said something about Shark Week and 'Saturday Night Live' choreographer Deney Terrio but who could understand him?
One other pressing piece of Fred the Elephant MAN business was whether or not Fred dyes his hair. Howard and Gary and Robin and everybody else in the world felt that there was no way Fred could achieve that jet-black color without some help from a box of dye. Fred swore that he was au natural.