Good Morning Everybody!
Beetlejuice is coming in later this morning and Howard reminded listeners that he has been living down in Georgia in recent years. He'll be up in New York to do some appearances in promotion of his new line of flavored tobacco for vape pens.
"He's got a pinhead with a dwarf body," Howard explained. Medical experts have said that the Zika virus is causing more birth defects like Beet's and Howard joked that while other people are upset, he's thrilled.
After catching up with Beetle, he will also be put to the test in a game called "Five," where the answer to every question is simply, "five." For example, Howard played a few practice rounds with Robin:
How many fingers do you have on your hand?
What is 3 + 2?
What's 4 + 1?
Robin Needs a Boyfriend
America's favorite newswoman, Robin Quivers, is single believe it or not. "She really is ready for love" now though, Howard told listeners and potential suitors.
"She's such a sweet woman – really … She's a catch. Big titties," he continued.
Amongst the pool of men, Howard mused that singer, songwriter, and musician Mike Doughty, formerly of the band Soul Coughing, could be the one for the job. And speaking of Doughty, the former Soul Coughing frontman came by the studio recently to record a special song for Howard.
Mike Doughty Performs 'That Soul Coughing Song'
"Super Bon Bon" remains one of Howard's all-time favorite songs, so Mike Doughty recently stopped by to record a live version of the tune from Howard's studio.
Check out the performance above and read the full story here.
Howard's Final Meal
Opening up the phone lines, Howard took a call from someone who wanted to know what Howard's final meal would be if he was on death row.
Though Howard initially said he thought he wouldn't be able to eat knowing what was to come.
Robin said he'd have to think about what comes after, which Howard thought meant after death, but she clarified: "I'm talking about the crap you're going to take!"
Finally, Howard settled on a decision. "I would eat anything with pasta – like a nice spaghetti with a great sauce." After that he'd had a chocolate sundae. "Chocolate ice cream with chocolate sauce." And then maybe Goldenberg's Peanut Chew.
Another caller wondered if Howard had any fun man-scaping stories to share, but Howard told him that his bush has been in full form lately. Howard did find this recent story about Adolph Hitler's "micropenis" fascinating though.
The guys also went to the street to ask random people which president they thought had the biggest penis. Answers ranged from Abraham Lincoln to Jack Kennedy and Bill Clinton. Howard threw William Taft into the mix, but Fred added that Lyndon B. Johnson had to be a frontrunner since he nicknamed his penis "Jumbo."
Robin's No Longer Vegan
After Howard noticed Robin's cappuccino on her desk, the conversation turned to the fact that she was forced to give up being vegan after her battle with cancer. Now she eats fish, eggs, and all dairy.
Howard remembered how she freaked out at Jason Kaplan's wedding when she was brought soup with cream in it. Gary recalled one morning when he was drinking some sort of juice and a disgusted Robin exclaimed: "Oh Gary, that's pasteurized!"
Jon Hein Still Eats Fast Food Though
Howard heard that Burger King will start serving hot dogs and wondered what fast food expert Jon Hein thought about that.
Jon came into the studio and explained that he thought it was a good marketing move for them, but he personally would be sticking to a different restaurant for his hot dogs. "Nathan's is the place for the hot dog," he explained.
Howard also explained that he takes great care to make sure there is plenty of food and drink at the annual holiday party, but heard a rumor that Jon makes sure to eat beforehand. Jon explained that he isn't a huge fan of the raw bar-type food that is served. Before anyone could object though, Jon added that he likes to time his meals early because of his diabetes.
The "Fast Food Maniac" author also told Howard that his wife, Debbie, hates the way he eats. Routinely he will bring home fast food to eat while she eats something home-cooked.
The Argument Over Encryption
A caller later in the show wondered more about the staff's thoughts on the encryption battle between Apple and the FBI.
Howard was firmly on the side of the U.S. government. "For the good of society, we have to have the ability for our law enforcement to investigate," he said.
Robin, meanwhile, was opposed and thought the debate should go to the courts for a decision.
Speaking of the courts, Howard brought up Ginnie Graham's recent article entitled "Why Not Have A Justice Howard Stern," which poses a important question: "If it's possible to have President Donald Trump, why couldn't the self-proclaimed king-of-all-media be among the elite arbiters of law?"