Wolfie was on the phone Wednesday morning to discuss his, Richard Christy, and Steve Nowicki's Feb. 3 visit to Wing Bowl 25 in Philadelphia, which was his third time attending overall. If their visit to Wing Bowl 24 was any indication, Howard was about to hear accounts of some pretty drunken, disgusting shenanigans.
"They should set up a temporary arena to have this at that they can burn it afterwards," said Richard, who proudly goes every year.
The festivities began hours before the 6 a.m. opening, with parking lots opening at 4 a.m. for tailgating. However, some participants started drinking in surrounding bars at 6 p.m. the night before, creating a maelstrom of drunkenness by opening time. "I saw some things I could just not believe," Wolfie said.
Wolfie talked to a wide array of attendees, employees, and even religious protestors. While speaking to some downtrodden janitors he asked them the most disgusting thing they've ever had to clean up at Wing Bowl.
"It was shit and throw up on the same fucking toilet," one janitor replied. "Like, it was on the top of the toilet, but when you pressed the button it didn't even fall down."
Wolfie also spoke with some very inebriated Wing Bowl-goers who had no qualms about describing their sexual escapades at the event, including one attendee who allegedly received a $5 blowjob in the parking lot. Wolfie asked the young man if he was concerned about receiving a sexually transmitted disease.
"She got herpes, I got herpes. Fuck it. YOLO," the attendee replied.
Overall, the various interviews were enough for Howard to dub the event "Scumbag Comic Con."
Naturally, there was also vomit, and lots of it, as evidenced by Richard's recorded reaction to an unexpected puke from a supposedly legendary Wing Bowl puker named "Sloth."
Fortunately, the Stern Show's own Richard Christy knows how to do Wing Bowl right and he kept a diary of his day exclusively for HowardStern.com. Check out Richard's Wing Bowl 25 diary (below).
Pre-Wing Bowl Preparations
Wednesday, February 1st:
7:00 p.m. —Preparations to meet friends at the Friday 5 a.m. tailgate are under way thanks to a handy parking lot map.
8:00 p.m. — Beer run to Rockaway Brewery for a growler of "Coffee Kolsch," a German style beer brewed with coffee, perfect for 4:30 a.m. drinking.
8:30 p.m. — Beer run to the local beer store to purchase additional coffee beers, including Troegs "Java Head" Stout, Rushing Duck "Beanhead" Coffee Stout, Stone "Xocoveza Winter Spiced Mocha" Stout, and Dogfish Head "Beer For Breakfast" Coffee Stout.
9:00 p.m. — Fill suitcase with various coffee beers, add Simpsons sleep pants and four pairs of underwear to pad the beers so they don't clank together and break during the Amtrak trip to Philly Thursday night.
Thursday, February 2nd:
6:00 p.m. — Take Amtrak train to Philly. Enjoy Troegs IPA beers during the train ride.
8:00 p.m. — Early dinner at the hotel with Tom from Steven Singer, my buddy who will accompany us to Wing Bowl the next morning. Early to sleep for 4 a.m. wake up call.
Friday, February 3rd:
4:00 a.m. — Hotel wake up call. Brush teeth then crack open the Rockaway Brewing "Coffee Kolsch" growler. Drink a few beers while getting dressed.
4:30 a.m. — Fill grocery bag with coffee beers, grab an Uber and head to Wing Bowl!
4:50 a.m. — Arrive at the Wells Fargo Center parking lot, site of the Wing Bowl. Immediately after pulling into the lot I see a large pile of vomit, then spot Steve Nowicki interviewing drunken Wing Bowlers.
5:00 a.m. — Use Wing Bowl parking lot tailgate map to find my buddy Danny and his friends, fellow Wing Bowlers whom we partied with last year. I also meet up with some metal head buddies of mine from Relapse Records in Pennsylvania.
5:15 a.m. — Danny's friend has a box of Wawa Breakfast Sandwiches, he is a God. Devour sandwiches and watch as a group of about 10 Philadelphia policemen and women ride patrol the parking lot on horseback.
5:30 a.m. —My first piss of the morning. I've been holding it for an hour and a half but I must break the seal. I follow a river of urine to a spot between cars where it seems safe to pee without being arrested. I add to the piss river. Soon after I finish I spot a man who has to physically jump over the river of piss so that he doesn't get it on his shoes.
5:45 a.m. — Danny's friend brings by a box of Philly pretzels, once again proving he's a God. Steve Nowicki finds me and proceeds to interview my drunken ass. Even in my current state of drunkenness I'm one of the most sober people at Wing Bowl so far.
7:00 a.m. — After a rousing two hour drinking marathon in the Wing Bowl parking lot, they're finally serving booze inside Wells Fargo arena! We head in to continue the festivities. The arena is already packed and the parade of wing eaters is already happening down on the floor. People cheer the eaters on as they ride on elaborately adorned floats, including a good buddy of mine, the legendary eater "Notorious B.O.B." from Royersford, PA.
7:15 a.m. — The big news at Wing Bowl this year is that an eater from the 2001 Wing Bowl is back, and he holds the record for largest projectile vomit ever during Wing Bowl. Video of his epic vomiting is shown over and over to the groans of the crowd. I vomit in my mouth a little while watching it.
7:30 a.m. — Thousands of Wing Bowl attendees chant for women to show their tits. When a woman actually does, the crowd goes insane.
7:45 a.m. — I am told that one of my childhood heroes, the legendary wrestler Ric Flair, is taking pictures nearby. I wait in line for a while to meet the Nature Boy! I tell Mr. Flair that I'm super excited for his ESPN 30 for 30 doc that's supposed to be coming out soon. He's very nice and takes a picture with me, my wife, and our friends.
8:45 a.m. — "Notorious B.O.B." wins Wing Bowl 2017 by eating a massive 409 wings! Time to finish our beers, navigate the piles of vomit in the parking lot, and head to Delilah's Gentlemen's Club for the Wing Bowl After Party!
10:00 a.m. — We have arrived at Delilah's Gentlemen's Club in Philadelphia. We proceed to the upstairs area where we score coveted seats at the bar.
10:30 a.m. — The man himself arrives, Notorious B.O.B.! He waves me over to his booth upstairs at Delilah's. I sit with the Godfather of Eating and discuss my admiration for his wing eating prowess.
12 p.m. — After drinking for eight hours straight, it's time for a nap. Back to the hotel for a five hour nap.
5:00 p.m. — I wake up with one of the worst hangovers ever. Several more beers, two Advil, and two cheesesteaks from Pat's King of Steaks cures my hangover in no time. I sit with my wife at an awesome Skee-ball bar in Philly and reminisce about another Wing Bowl gone by.