Jack of All Trades, Master of Nothing

April 13, 2005
Photo: The Howard Stern Show

Comedian Mike Bocchetti sat in on the news today, revealing he makes doodie about 30 times a day, has sleep apnea, lives with his mother and says he can’t get laid because he’s a comedian (yeah, that’s the reason). Robin took one look at him and said it was definitely the comedy that was driving the women away. Mike said he enlisted in the Marines but was asked to leave after the first phase of training (only 5 weeks) because he couldn’t do any real physical activities of any kind. They told him that he wasn’t right for that kind of a place. Other jobs Mike wasn’t good at: working at a deli, doing maintenance at a building complex, and pushing shopping carts for a handicapped boss at a supermarket. Pretty much the only thing he’s good at is playing a cockroach in a TV commercial, coming out soon. Howard asked him when he last had sex and his response was that Presidents get shot more than he gets laid. Mike will be performing at Caroline’s in NYC on May 14th for the midnight show called Late Night Lunacy.